I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how hard it is to truly love others. You know, we often want to be the perfect friend, family member, or partner, but deep down, we realize how complicated our hearts really are. Henri Nouwen, a spiritual writer I admire, once said something that really hit home for me: “The older we become, the more we realize how limited we are in our ability to love, how impure our hearts are, and how complex our motivations are.” Isn’t that the truth?
It’s easy to fall into the trap of trying to fix ourselves, to clean out all the messy parts of our hearts and become people who love perfectly. But Nouwen reminds us that this is a losing battle. The more we focus on our own imperfections, the more tangled up we get. And honestly, it’s exhausting.
Here’s the thing—Nouwen points out that we can’t save ourselves. No amount of self-improvement or inner work will make us perfect. Only Jesus can do that. When we stop looking at our own brokenness and start looking at Jesus and his immense mercy, something amazing happens. We begin to accept our imperfections and let Jesus care for us with his love and mercy.
Thomas Merton, another wise spiritual thinker, said, “God is mercy in mercy in mercy.” What a powerful reminder that God’s mercy is so much greater than anything we can imagine. The more we get to know ourselves, with all our flaws and shortcomings, the more we come to know just how deep God’s mercy really is.
Letting go of the need to be perfect and allowing God to love others through us—that’s our true calling. It’s not about being perfect lovers, but about letting God’s love flow through our imperfect hearts. And when we do that, we find the joy and peace we’ve been searching for.
So, if you’re feeling weighed down by your own imperfections, remember to turn your gaze toward Jesus. His love is unconditional, and it’s in his heart that we find the peace our hearts long for.